If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord. Do not bring sin upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.
If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married. (Deuteronomy 24:1-5 NIV)
What a mess! Doesn’t this sound like a mess? Our lesson starts with a big run-on sentence: A man marries a woman but then doesn’t like her and writes her a certificate of divorce and sends her away and she goes and marries another man but he doesn’t like her either so he writes her a certificate of divorce too and then the first husband starts to think about marrying her again, but Moses said, “No, you can’t marry her again!” What a mess! One big relationship mess. You feel for the woman. You wonder, “How was this marriage mess happening among God’s people?”
Actually, you probably don’t wonder that. You know. Maybe you can even relate. Marriage messes happen all the time. Marriage is under attack. That’s not new. Marriage was under attack 3,500 years ago. It still is today. Marriage can seem to bring more pain than joy. Divorce rates climb. Many people just live together without getting married. Marriage is always under attack.
So, long ago Moses wrote: “Her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the LORD.” This was the law God gave the Israelites: A husband who divorced his wife could not marry her again.
Why? The Bible doesn’t say, but we could think of some possibilities. This law put a restriction on divorce, which apparently was widespread. This law discouraged wife-swapping. Most of all, this law forced a man to think carefully before divorcing his wife, because he could never have her back. This was the law back then: A husband who divorced his wife could not remarry her.
Perhaps surprisingly, these verses from Deuteronomy became some of the most talked about verses of the Old Testament. Jewish rabbis discussed and debated these verses. Men especially really liked them. Can you guess why? They led men to think, “I can get a divorce. Yes! Look: Moses talks about men who gave their wives a certificate of divorce. That means I can too!” Men were looking for reasons to get a divorce and not have to feel bad about it. Sound familiar?
Over the years, two schools of thought about divorce developed among Jewish rabbis. It came down to two words in our lesson: “something indecent.” A man found “something indecent” in his wife and gave her a certificate of divorce. What’s something indecent? One school of thought in Jesus’ day—the Hillel school—broke those two words apart. They said, “There are two reasons a man can get a divorce. If his wife does an indecent thing, or if she does something.” Does that sound pretty open to the imagination? It was! The Hillel school said that if a wife burned food, the husband could get a divorce. Because that’s “something.” What do you think?
The other school of thought in Jesus’ day—the Shammai school—said, “You can’t divide those two words. ‘Something indecent’ goes together. A man can only divorce his wife if she does ‘something indecent.’” This was the debate in Jesus’ day: “When can a man get a divorce?” So, “some Pharisees came to Jesus to test him. They asked, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?’” (Matthew 19:3). Understand the trap? If Jesus said, “Yes, a man can divorce his wife for any and every reason,” whom would he alienate? Women. If Jesus said, “No, he can’t divorce his wife for any and every reason,” whom would he alienate? Men. See the trap?
Whose side was Jesus on? Neither. Jesus did what he always did. He pointed them to God’s Word: “Haven’t you read that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19:4-6). What should a man do if he’s looking to find a reason to divorce his wife? Stop it! “What God has joined together, let no one separate.”
If a person is looking for a reason to divorce their spouse, they are looking for the wrong thing. Marriage goes back to God’s creation of the world. God made people male and female. That’s God’s decision! And God made it so that a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. Marriage isn’t just a social contract. It’s not something people came up with. It’s a divine institution that God himself created. One man and one woman are to marry, and how long are they to be married? For life. “What God has joined together, let no one separate.” No Christian should ever be looking for reasons to get a divorce.
But the Pharisees objected, “Why then did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” (Matthew 19:7). Know how people like to twist God’s Word? The Pharisees were twisting God’s Word. If you look at our lesson from Deuteronomy, did Moses command divorce? No! Did Moses say divorce was okay? No! Jesus responded, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery” (Matthew 19:8-9). Divorce is never God’s plan. The only exception is marital unfaithfulness—if a husband or wife commits adultery with another person. To look for reasons to divorce a spouse is really evidence of sin in a person’s heart.
These are strong words, aren’t they? If you’re looking for a way to end your marriage, do you know what Jesus would say? You’re the problem. That doesn’t mean the other person is innocent. But if you or I are looking for a reason to get a divorce, we’re the problem. Hopefully, that’s not the case in our marriages. But do you look for faults in your spouse? Do you look for reasons to complain about him or her? If you do, your spouse isn’t the problem. It’s you! Perhaps more than anything else, marriage shows us our sin. Think you’re patient? Get married. Think you’re kind? Get married. Think you’re selfless? Get married. I’m the problem. It’s me. It’s you.
Maybe you’re thinking, “Well, I’m not married, so it’s not me!” Just realize that unmarried people can sin against marriage just as much as married people can. Here’s an example: I’ve had a number of people who have gotten divorced say, “Yeah, I did it because my friends encouraged me too. They told me I would be better off without him. They said I would be happier on my own.” Have you ever said something like that to a friend? We’re no different than those Pharisees long ago. We look for reasons to not really have to commit to someone else for life.
And Jesus says, “What God has joined together, let no one separate.” Think of what he’s saying. When a man and woman want to get married, they have to get a marriage license. That marriage license needs to be signed by the pastor and the witnesses at the wedding. But, according to Jesus, that’s not really who signs the marriage license. Do you know who really signs it? God does. God is the one who created marriage. He is the one who created your marriage.
In fact, God didn’t just create marriage. God is married. Did you know that? Whom is God married to? You! God thinks so highly of marriage that he uses marriage to talk about his relationship with us: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word” (Ephesians 5:25-26). Did you hear what Jesus has done for you? “Christ loved you and gave himself up for you to make you holy, cleansing you by the washing with water through the word.” For every sin, Jesus has forgiven you. Cleansed you. Through the cross. Through your baptism.
That’s at the foundation of marriage: Jesus and his marriage to us. A Christian marriage isn’t based on love or physical attraction or feelings that can come and go… A Christian marriage is based on a commitment in Christ. As Christ has committed himself to me and to you, we commit ourselves to our spouses. How? Well, husbands love your wives like Christ loves us. How much does he loves us? Enough to die for us. Wives, submit to your husbands as we submit to Christ. In a Christian marriage, instead of looking for a way out, a Christian asks, “How can I pour even more of myself into this? More love… More respect… More forgiveness.” Committed in Christ!
There is a beautiful picture of that at the end of our lesson. After describing that messed up scenario of divorces, God had Moses add another command about marriage: “If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.” What a command! When a man got married, what was he supposed to do? Take a year off. To do what? To bring happiness to his wife. For one year, that husband wasn’t allowed to fight in the army or to have any duty laid on him. There’s no replacement for quality time together to get a marriage off on the right track. “He is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.”
Think of what that was saying: It’s good that there are men who go off to war and come back as heroes, but do you know what’s even better? Being a husband. It’s good to be a hard worker and rise up in your career, but do you know what’s even better? Being a wife. Do you think that way? If you’re a husband, in God’s eyes there is nothing more important in life that you can do than be a husband. If you’re a wife, in God’s eyes there is nothing more important that you can do than be a wife. And if you’re a husband or a wife, what do we get to strive to do? Bring happiness to our spouse. Christ and his cross give hope to every Christian marriage.
If you’re blessed to be married, let God’s Word put this thought in your mind, “I want to stop finding things that I don’t like about my spouse. Instead, I want to see the ways I can love my spouse like Christ loves me.” If you’re blessed to be single, let God’s Word put this thought in your mind, “I want to follow God’s plan for relationships, starting while I’m single. I want to see ways to encourage the married people in my life to be committed to each other in Christ.”
For all of us, remember this: You have a perfect marriage. Maybe not on earth. Relationships on earth are a mess because of sin. But you have a perfect marriage—a perfect relationship with God through Jesus. Jesus loved you to the cross. That means you are loved and forgiven and wanted, no matter what anybody else says! And it’s that cross of Jesus that leads us to love one another. Don’t ask what those men asked thousands of years ago: “How can I get out of this?” Ask what Jesus your Savior always asks: “What can I put into this?” We’re committed in Christ.
(To listen to this sermon on my Upside-Down Savior podcast, please click HERE. To watch this sermon on my Upside-Down Savior YouTube channel, please click on the link below.)
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